If you stand at the bottom of the mountains, just past the
big round lake and over the small rolling hills, look up and you can see one
white lone figure. Look a little closer and you can make out that the lone
figure is a lamb, small for its size, so it is probably a baby. Try to look just
a tiny bit closer and you can see that the baby lamb is gazing up to the sky. As
the baby lamb stares up at the stars she sees a lightning strike far off in the
distance; not long after, thunder sounds over the rolling hills. The storm is
heading her way and the mother lamb beckons her baby to come into their cave
for the evening. As she lays down to sleep, the baby lamb asks her mother for a
bedtime story, specifically for one about her ancestors. Snuggling closer to
her mother and closing her eyes, the baby lamb listens as her mother begins to
tell of how the lightning and thunder came to be what they are today.
Long long ago, Thunder was a sheep here on Earth and Lightning was her son, a ram. Like most young rams, Lightning had a temper much
of the time. Unlike most young rams, Lightning chose to take his temper out on
the nature that surrounded him. He would carry this out by burning houses, forcing
down trees, damaging people’s farms, and even going as far as killing people. Thunder
would rebuke Lightning with her loud and powerful voice when he did these
terrible acts, but Lightning could not rein in his temper. Eventually, the
people had enough of his nonsense and took their complaints to the king. The king,
not wanting to deal with lightning’s wrongdoings, decided he would banish Thunder and Lightning from the town so they could no longer hurt the people….or
so he thought.
This banishment did not seem to have an effect on Lightning
because the next time he got angry, he burned down the entire forest. This forest
fire spread to the entire town and burned down all the farms within range. The
king had no other choice than to banish Thunder and Lightning yet again, but
this time he banished them away from Earth and into the sky where Lightning
could no longer directly destroy the things on Earth.
Even though they were banished to the sky, they are still seen and heard among those living on Earth. Whenever Lightning gets
angry, you can see his marks across the sky. Just after seeing these marks, you
can hear Thunder, his mother, reprimanding him. The longer it takes to hear her
rebuke, the farther away the two are up in the sky. Lightning is still very
bitter that he was banished, so every once in a while he reminds the people on
Earth of the destruction he can cause by striking down and making his mark hit
the Earth’s surface, sometimes causing similar destruction as before.
When the baby sheep’s mother finishes this story she can see
that her sweet baby is fast asleep. As quietly as she can, she slips away from
her baby and goes to the opening of the cave. She looks out over the rolling
hills and big round lake and finally gazes up into the sky. Before the mother
turns around to head to bed, she sees one bright, threatening lightning bolt strike
cross the sky.
Author's Note: This story is originally from folk stories of Nigeria. Many of the Nigerian
folk stories are about either the origins of certain elements in nature or the
origins of behavior in certain animals. The story I chose is called The Lightning and the Thunder. This story is
very close to the story I told. It tells of how a sheep and her ram son were
once here on earth as lightning and thunder. Lightning was unruly and
destructive and his mother would rebuke him with her loud voice. He would not
listen to his mother’s reprimanding and continued his assault on the earth. The
people feared he would harm them so they went to the king. He first banished
them from the land, but this was not sufficient to keep the people and their
property safe. The king reassessed the situation and decided that they would
both banished to the sky. Today the two can still be seen and heard from the
sky. I added in the parts about looking up the mountain and seeing the baby
lamb and also the parts about her asking her mother for a bedtime story. I
wanted to keep the original story in my writing so I just added in a side story
so that the original one could be told.
Bibliography: The Story of the Lightning and the Thundery by Elphistone Dayrell
It was nice how you chose to re-write this as a bedtime story. It adds more dimension and made the story more interesting.
ReplyDeleteI also enjoyed how you set up the story with the descriptive setting. It really catches your attention. The ending was good as well, and I liked how you phrased the “threatening lightning bolt strike cross the sky.” The ending and beginning tie the whole story together.
Hi Lauren! I loved your story and how it was written in almost a bedtime theme. The story was interesting and kept me wanting to read more. This was very descriptive and had me entertained the whole time. Awesome story!
ReplyDeleteI love that each culture has it’s own way of explaining thunder and lightning to children. I always heard things like it’s god playing bowling and such. I think it’s nice to think it’s just an unruly little ram being yelled at by it’s mother. The story could also work for naughty children, “ Do you want to get banished up into the sky like Lightning? No? I didn’t think so, get your butt over here!”
ReplyDeleteLauren,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you chose to read and write about the Nigerian Folk Stories reading option, I haven't seen anybody do it yet and I had considered reading it myself. I think it's interesting that the stories focus on how things in nature were created, Thunder and Lightning must have been very shocking and confusing to ancient Nigerians. I like how you expanded on the original subject material without contradicting it, I find it very hard to give my take on a story and stay true to the original subject material. I get the feeling from your writing that the mother almost has a since of foreboding that bad things are going to happen. The lightning bolt crossing the sky at the end is the best example of this.
Thanks so much for sharing, I really enjoyed it. I hope you find the time to add more of your work to your portfolio during the rest of the semester.
Andrew
I really like the beginning of this. Any story that includes the second person really brings the reader into the story, kind of as part of the story. I would have really liked it if you had ended on a similar note too, referencing in the second person the reader as they finished watching the sheep. As it was, I liked the comment at the end about the sheep watching the lightning, kind of reminds me of the movie bambi a bit where bambi and his mom are hiding from the storm.
ReplyDeleteHi there Lauren!!
ReplyDeleteI truly enjoyed this story, great work! I like that the it was a story within a story almost. I feel like people toss around the meanings of thunder and lightening all the time, but I've never heard it told in a narrative quite like this one. People will say that thunder is the Lord bowling in an effort to get a laugh, however I enjoyed that this story had depth behind it. The mother telling the story to the baby sheep as a lullaby was a creative touch that I as the reader enjoyed. It made it more personal. What I really enjoyed about this story was the very ending. I liked that the mother watches the lightening in the end, to me it was almost like longing for something. Nostalgic of of sorts.
Overall great job, looking forward to reading more of your stories int he future!
Hey, Lauren!
ReplyDeleteThe layout of your site is really neat and visually appealing- nice job!
In your opening paragraph, you really set up a cool scene. I can actually picture the baby lamb in the scene. I think it's cool that you made this story a bed time story. I've also written a few stories about how things came to be, so I was excited to see what direction you took!
The images that you put into the story are really cool and they definitely contribute to the story. You can get a better sense of the setting and the characters.
This was a really cool story, and I love how you concluded it. It was a sweet story- a good change of pace from some of the darker stories in this class!
Great job!
My first thought about your story were that is was beautifully written. You painted a lovely picture of a young lamb and his mother getting ready for bed and creating a bed time story to explain something that is often scary and ominous. Your descriptions in the story are all very well done and I have little say as far as suggestions for this story go.
ReplyDeleteI do wish there had been some dialogue but completely understand that under the constraints of the word count and even the way we chose to tell the story is can be difficult to incorporate. I also would like to know, is the king a human or a sheep? And how does he have the ability to banish people to the sky! Is he also a god?
I believe your portfolio for this class will be amazing because this story is so great. I look forward to reading more of your works.
A very sweet story! I don’t know if this is your intention or not, but both the side story and the retelling version have a pair of mother and child. Both mothers tried to protect and educate their child. Unlike the mother lamb with a good child, the thunder mother sheep struggles to keep her ram from using his power to hurt people. When the mother lamb is telling the story, I feel like she understands the feeling of the mother sheep in the story since they are mother who love their child dearly. Through this version, I can see the endless of the mother to her child, which I think is one of the themes of the original story. In addition, your story is very descriptive, which helps me imagine the scene. I especially like the beginning scene of the story and the ending scene of the story. It would be nice if you can add an image of the thunder mother sheep rebukes her lightning ram. Overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteThis was a beautifully written story. It immediately made me want to keep reading after the first few sentences. I liked the relationship between the stories and how they connected, but also differed. This was really sweet, and kept me entertained.
ReplyDeleteI liked that I was able to see a picture of the scene in my head, even though I was just reading. I can't wait to read more of your stories. Keep up the good work!