There once was a kitten named Charlie with extremely large ears. He was
already a small kitten compared to all of his friends and siblings and he had to run extra
hard in order to keep up with his pals. His friends always made fun of him for
having such large ears and Charlie was very insecure about them. His mother
told him not to worry because his large ears would come in handy one day; she told him to embrace his differences. Even though his siblings teased him
and he often got his large ears caught on things when he ran and played with his friends,
Charlie tried to do as his mother had told him and embrace his giant, elephant-like
ears.
One day Charlie wanted to go play in the woods with his
brothers and sisters and their friends. His mother had never let them go play
alone because the other creatures that lived in the woods were dangerous and unpredictable. The
woods are a big place with lots of different predators and the kittens were so
small and defenseless. Since the kittens had just had their nine week birthday, the mother cat decided it was time to let them go off on
their own for just a little while. "Be back in an hour and make sure to keep an ear and an eye out for danger," she told them.
Charlie was so excited because he finally felt like a big cat, adventuring without his mother by his side. The kittens played for a long time; hide and seek, wrestling, and racing games were their favorite. Little Charlie had really worn himself out and decided to lie down and watch everyone else play. Soon, he began to hear noises off in the distance. They sounded like quiet huffing at first. Charlie asked the others if they could hear the noises as well. They answered that they could not hear anything. They teased Charlie and told him that his big ears were just hearing things. After a few more minutes, the sounds seemed to be getting louder and more distinct; the kitten could tell that the noises now sounded more like barking. Charlie quickly realized it was a group of dogs and they were heading straight to where the kittens were playing.
Charlie was so excited because he finally felt like a big cat, adventuring without his mother by his side. The kittens played for a long time; hide and seek, wrestling, and racing games were their favorite. Little Charlie had really worn himself out and decided to lie down and watch everyone else play. Soon, he began to hear noises off in the distance. They sounded like quiet huffing at first. Charlie asked the others if they could hear the noises as well. They answered that they could not hear anything. They teased Charlie and told him that his big ears were just hearing things. After a few more minutes, the sounds seemed to be getting louder and more distinct; the kitten could tell that the noises now sounded more like barking. Charlie quickly realized it was a group of dogs and they were heading straight to where the kittens were playing.
Immediately, Charlie yelled at everyone to stop playing and
to run as fast as they could back to where Mother Cat was at. His friends all
took off running together. They could all now hear the panting of the big pack of dogs as they ran towards the small group of kittens. Thankfully, they were able to escape the dogs. Without the head
start that Charlie had given them, they might not have been as lucky. The friends all apologized to Charlie and told him that they were very thankful that he had been born with such big ears. Never again did the kittens tease Charlie for his special ears; instead they also embraced his differences.
No one person or thing is the same. This is what makes the
world so cool and unique; it is made up of individuals who have different
skills and traits that all come together to complement each other. What many don’t
realize is that their quirks or insecurities are what set them apart and make
them special and allow them to help others.
Author's Note: The story that inspired my retelling is from The Hart and the Hunter. It
is about a deer with amazingly beautiful and immense antlers. One day the deer
is admiring his great antlers in the reflection of the water. He loves his
antlers, but is not so proud of his petite, skinny legs. He wishes for legs
that were worthy of his beautiful antlers. A hunter, who is especially impressed
by the deer’s great antlers, spots him. The deer notices that the hunter has
targeted him and because of his slim legs, he is able to make a quick
escape...almost. In the end of this story, the deer is running from the hunter
and in his attempt at escape, he gets his antlers stuck on a tree which was
hanging lower to the ground than expected. This causes the deer to become easy
prey to the hunter. He is unable to free himself and the hunter takes action on
the vulnerable animal. I think this story is very easy to relate to because
everyone has features and aspects about themselves that they do not like. Likewise,
we all have things that we like a lot. I like the moral that this story told,
which is to not take for granted the things about ourselves which we do not
like; in the end, these could be the things that we end up needing most. I
liked this story, but it made me sad that the deer was ultimately caught for
something that he liked about himself. I changed my retelling of the story
because I wish the deer had been given the chance to appreciate his legs more
and learn their true value. The only reason he had been able to make a quick
escape in the first place is because of his legs in which he was not proud of.
This is why in my story, I enabled the kitten to understand his ears’ value and
ability.
Bibliography: The Hart and the Hunter, by Joseph Jacobs
Lauren,
ReplyDeleteI also wrote about cats and dogs this week, but your cat is sounds much nicer than the one in my story. Your story also seems like the story of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, I wonder if the original author of that story was inspired by The Hart and The Hunter the same way you were. Thanks for sharing.
Andrew
I like your story! When most people change the story to make it their own, the new story usually doesn’t have the same spark as the old one. I like how it’s your own story but it still feels very fable-ish. I think the moral of your story would be that everyone is unique and to love yourself. The ears made the kitten very self-conscious but I like to think that the kitten likes his ears now. He was able to save his friends with them!
ReplyDeleteLauren, I loved this story! This is an incredible adaptation of the original story. The moral of the story worked extremely well with how you changed the character types and story a little bit. I like how you changed the moral, too, to make it more about admiration of what makes us individuals. And, who doesn't love a good story about kittens?
ReplyDeleteI love your idea in this story. Your story points out the social norm of being blend in with everybody, and when someone is different, he or she is usually picked on by other people. Your story sheds light on the fact that being different is who we are, and that is what makes us special. After reading your author’s note, I love how you twist the story to make it have a happy ending because I would cry in the original story where the deer with beautiful is being hunted by the hunter.
ReplyDeleteIt’s great how you changed the original story’s message to be more positive about people’s differences. I agree that it’s better to embrace the things that make you unique.
ReplyDeleteYou also did a good job in making the story come full circle, with Charlie being teased and embarrassed by his ears at first, to them actually coming in handy in the end. (It reminds me a little bit of Rudolph the reindeer)
One thing I think you could improve on though is the paragraph spacing. It could just be me, but I think it’s easier to read a story when it’s divided up into smaller paragraphs. Especially if there’s dialog.
Also, I think it was successful when you added the message at the end where you talked about everyone being different, and that it's a good thing. It really explained the meaning behind the story. It would be cool if you were to do this for your future stories as well!
I look forward to reading more of your portfolio, and I think you’ll do great in making the stories you choose great!
Lauren,
ReplyDeleteChanging the story to be positive about being different instead of negative was a great way to go with this. I agree with you in your Author's Note's about everyone being different.
The pace of your story was very nice and steady. Everything connected really well with each other. I do wish though you gave a little more description on Charlie's ears. You mentioned they were like elephant ears but how big were they. Maybe you can state something like he would trip over them or they would get caught on different things. I know you mentioned that "he had run hard to keep up with his pals" but maybe you can mention what his siblings look like as well.
When First starting to read this I thought it was going to be like an ugly duckling story. where the cat was actually a wild cat. I think have the description of what he looks like may help your readers see the directions your going in. As well as making sure all your font is the same size. Maybe bring your Author's note size down a little bit.
Overall you did a great good capturing the story and teaching a lesson to your readers.
Melanie
One thing I saw when reading your story was the second sentence, it uses and twice which to me seems a little like a run-on sentence. Maybe you could rephrase the sentence or turn it into two different sentences. When reading on through your story I see multiple sentences that use and multiple times. For another example is the first sentence of your second paragraph, you could make it a list instead of using and twice. The sentence that starts with, “The kittens played for a long time” doesn’t flow very well when I read through it. Maybe you could say the kittens played many different games then list what they played. In the next sentence maybe instead of “… worn himself out and…” you could say he worn himself out so he decided to lay down. In the next paragraph where it says “They could all now hear” maybe you could rephrase that to flow better. I love you story along with the cute picture at the bottom! I think you did a great job! I can’t wait to read more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHi Lauren, I was not familiar with the story of the Hart and the Hunter, but luckily, your Author’s Note gave me enough background information so that I could recognized the main differences between your story and the original story. I really liked how you changed the main animal to be a kitten instead of a deer - I love kittens! The only suggestion I had as I was reading your story would be to maybe include more dialogue into your story. It would maybe add another element to it. Other than that, I think you did an incredible job writing your version of the story. The way you wrote the story helped me create a mental image in my head as I was reading it. I loved your ending because it explained a general and overall theme to the story. Overall, great job and I look forward to reading more of your posts in the future!
ReplyDeleteLauren, I thought you did a good job on your story. After reading your author’s note, it made it easier to compare your story to the original because I had never read it before. I thought you did a good job of summarizing it so that I could understand the source of your inspiration. I agree that unique qualities should be admired and I think you did a good job of taking the original story and changing it into one that reflected that concept. I also liked how you took a morbid ending and changed it into a positive outcome. The only critical critique I had was that there were two sentences back to back that started exactly the same and I thought you might want to try to change the wording. The sentences were “Immediately Charlie realized….” and “Immediately Charlie yelled…” Other than that I thought you did a wonderful job recreating your story and fitting it to your concept.
Lauren, I think you did a great job writing this story! I really enjoyed reading it and I thought it was super cute! I like how you included the little note at the end about how we need to celebrate our differences and what sets us apart from others instead of making fun of them. It tied your story together. I have never read the original story, but your author's note did a fantastic job of explaining to me what the differences between the original story and your story were. Cassie mentioned this above, but I noticed it also that you started a lot of your sentences the same way. The one I noticed the most was a lot of the sentences started with "they." So if you just reword a couple of those you'll be good! Overall good job!
ReplyDeleteLauren, I really enjoyed reading your story and found it entertaining. It sends a pretty deep message and is a great metaphor to everyday life. I do feel some sadness to the ending of the story, however I have never read the source story and there may be a reason you chose this particular ending. The only recommendation I have would be to add some dialogue. I feel as this would give great insight to what the hunter and deer's personality are. I do feel like you give good indication of what they are thinking without dialogue, however the tone of dialogue can help me as the reader get more into the story sometimes. In addition, I think you did a good job describing the setting of the story which help me to imagine it as I was reading. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to seeing your portfolio progress.
ReplyDeleteLauren, I thought the story was very well written. The dialogue was one of my favorite parts. More dialogue might make the story even more vibrant. I could picture a cartoon with the cats warning one another. My favorite part about the story was the happy ending and the moral lesson. Your author's note was laid out well. It explained the original story nicely. I thought the portfolio discription described a mouse with big ears, maybe I am mixing up the details from another discription, but a cat with big ears works to. I look forward to reading more stories from you throughout the semester.😃
ReplyDeleteWow a story about kittens? I knew I was going to enjoy this as much as I did. This story was captivating from the beginning. I liked that the title helped explain what the story would be about as I started to read it. I understood that the fact that he had big ears was going to be the main point of the story and how this individuality was going to be understood by the end of the story. At the end of the story you did include the moral of the story in plain terms, which I thought was a great idea. It allowed you to reinforce your theme and tell the reader the life lesson. I think it is a great lesson and a precious story to communicate that. I was able to picture what was going on and I supported the main character because it was written so well.
ReplyDeleteHi Lauren,
ReplyDeleteI have to say I was not familiar with the original piece your retelling is based off of, but thankfully, your author’s note was able to give me enough insight into the main differences that I felt as though I could really appreciate the retelling choices you made. One of the changes I liked the most was the changing of the main animal, by changing the animal it gave the story an automatic difference in point of view/writing; a change I found myself enjoying as I read on. Just a piece of advice, it might be helpful to play around with the writing style by adding dialogue or making the story a bit more active? Just as a way to engage the reader more throughout their reading. Other than that, I think you did an lovely job with this retelling. The attention you gave to description and detail really helped create a visual world. I also appriecated the fable/fairytale like quality the story had overall. Thanks for creating such a fun retelling of a sweet story and I cannot wait to read more!
Your moral for this story was cute. It's like a rudolf the red nosed reindeer story. I think a lot of people can relate to having bits about them they don't like or appreciate. In addition, those aspects of people that they don't like aren't always going to conveniently come in handy. That might have been a moral point from the original story, but you choose to stick to the positive implications. I'm not really sure if bigger ears make a cat able to hear better though. Maybe it does, who knows? I had a dog with really big ears but she had very "selective" hearing. Never came when called but could always hear food in her bowl hahaha!
ReplyDeleteHi Lauren! This story was absolutely adorable. I love imagining Charlie the kitten behind this story is really sweet. What I took from it was do not judge someone because they make be different than you. Charlie saved their life! I also like that you took this story from being about a deer with antlers to a kitten with large ears! You describe everything very well and it helped create a scene for the story. Your portfolio is turning out so well! I cannot wait to see how the entire project turns out. Definitely keep up the good work! I think it would be a really great idea to have a lesson from each story. So like this one could be that everyone is an individual! with giant ears running around. It makes me want a kitten! I think your meaning
ReplyDeleteHey, Lauren! I think this is a very adorable story and you have written it very well. I have never heard of the original story, but I can tell you incorporated the ideas into your story while at the same time making it your own. I don't see any changes that need to be made and I think it's in great shape. The fact that you used a kitten with large ears instead of the deer is adorable and I love it! I can definitely take away a moral from this story. Everyone has things about them that they don't like, but sometimes those things are the most important and are what make us special! Everyone could use that moral in their own life. I think the theme of your portfolio is great and you're doing a wonderful job with these stories! I can't wait to read more of the stories you do and how you edit them.
ReplyDeleteHey Lo! This was a great story with a great message. It definitely seemed like something I would read in a kid’s book. I wonder if Charlie goes on to use his ears for good like a super power. That would be a very interesting sequel to read! Also I think your background theme fits very well with this story. I don’t think there is anything that I could recommend you to fix or change. Good Work!
ReplyDeleteHey, Lauren!
ReplyDeleteI love the picture of a kitten with extremely large ears! Do the other kittens make fun of him? I can already tell that this will be a good source of conflict. This story kind of reminds me of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer- and, well, tis the season
I also read ‘The Woodpecker’s Tail’. This story has such fun characters! I love when stories make characters that would not naturally interact, interact for a purpose. I’m glad that you decided to write a bit about the fish, and justify his being a ‘bad guy’ in the original story. I am a firm believer that ‘no one thinks they’re the bad guy in their story’- it is important to see things from other people’s perspectives.
I also used Aesop’s Fables for my project- I love that they’re so short. They leave so much room for creativity and to expand on the characters!
Great job!
Hi Lauren!
ReplyDeleteI loved this story! It was so cute and fun to read.
I love that you named the kitten Charlie because I feel like that is so fitting!
Your twist on the story is nice. I like that you stuck with the original theme a little but added your own quality. I liked how you made the story positive. Charlie was there to save the day with his big ears. The other kittens probably regret picking on him and owe him a few favors! Great Story!